At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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