We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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