Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
