bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
