It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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