Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
