Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
