You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
