i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
