Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
God, I missed his penis.
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