im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
