We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
false alarm, still single
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