I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
