I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
