They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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