it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
