My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
