you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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