fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize