I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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