the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
