Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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