Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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