My nipple is on Facebook.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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