Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
