you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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