you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
