so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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