I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
