she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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