thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize