I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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