So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
