It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
