Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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