I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how drunk are you?
Several
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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