Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
