Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
