the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
