grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
