He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
