If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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