i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
