It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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