I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
