The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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