All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
