clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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