i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
