non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
