Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
