There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
