I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
