absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
