I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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