so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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