So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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