dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
