I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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