dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
