HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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