my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she peed on how many people?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
