I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
