GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
