____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
too bad you live with your parents still
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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