best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
