My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How's work?
Spinning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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