From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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