A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
