she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize