oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
