after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
