he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
