So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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