How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
