Where did you get a picture of my penis
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
