I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
