is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
