I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
