hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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