Who wears a wallet chain?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
