Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize