The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
