Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
