Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
