Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
