she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
