I will die if light touches me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
