I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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