Apparently you make a good broom.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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