Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
