I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
