I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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