One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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