I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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