did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
