i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
