Duck Duck Cougar?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize