Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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