I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
