Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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