Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
