He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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