When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I fill condoms, not promises.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
