was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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