I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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