$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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